What happens at whammy's, stays at Whammy's
by Exploading albino potato
Summary: Short stories about the whammy's kids.
1. Stolen Shojo

AHHHHHHHHH! GIVE IT BAAAAACCCCKKKK!

Beyond Birthday was screaming. Loudly. And very immaturly even though he he was 12

"NAH NAH NAH NAH I GOT YOUR SHOJO!"

A raced down the hall with his brown messenger bag filled with B's precious manga.

GIIIIIVVVVVEEEE IIIITTTTT BBBBAAAAACCCCCKKKKKK OR I WILL MURDER YOU IN YOUR SLEEP AND TACK YOUR GUTS TO THE WALL!

No, B would never do that. A was his best friend, the only one that understood him. Unfortunately that meant he understood everything that he do could bother B with without getting killed.

I DON't THINK THAT A STANDS FOR ALTERNATE!

They were still running, with everybody poking they're hands out if they're dorms to see what all the ruckus was about.

"A DOES NOT STAND FOR ALTERNATE!"

"THAN WHAT DOES IT STAND FOR?"

"ASSSSHHHOOOOOLLLLLEEEE!"

A started running down the stairs and B tore after him, but fell and summersaulted down the steps.

"Owww..." moaned B, rubbing the back of his neck.

He felt the bag of books hit him.

"Thanks asshole"

A just laughed.

After they got up to they're room and B put his mangas back on the self he noticed something missing from his bed.

"WHERE ARE MY AKAZUKIN CHACHA PLUSHIES!"


	2. A Sticky Situation

A woke up one morning to strange grunting, moaning and panting noises.

(Oh, I know what your thinking)

"B...What are you doing...?"

"Uhh...nothing...?

"What tine is it?" His friend asked from underneath the covers.

"s-six forty seven."

"What are you doing?" The first successor of L Inquired again, sitting up in bed.

B quickly hid his hand behind his back.

A got up and grabbed Beyond's shoulder, trying to look behind his back.

They sort of spun in a circle until A exclaimed "Ahhhaaa! Having a morning snack were ya?"

BB blushed.

"Uhhhh..."

"Is it stuck?"

"Yeah..." B stuck his hand out, and there was an almost empty jar of jam stuck on it.

"How long has it been stuck on there?"

"...about thirty five minutes."

"We have got to get to breakfast soon."

"Oh god what if I have to go down like this?" B held up his jam jar hand.

"Haha you just might!"

"Please A! Help me get this damn thing off!" the black haired boy begged.

A smirked.

"Come oooonn! Were best friends!"

"It's six fifty five now and breakfast is at seven. I'm getting dressed."

A sat down on his bed and pouted, franticly trying to shimmy the glass container off of his wrist.

When A came out of the bathroom, dressed he started to walk out the door B tried to stop him.

"Aaayyyyy" He whined I really really can't get this fucking jar off!"

"Well it's breakfast now!"

"hmph."

B and A walked down to the cafeteria and some people started laughing. At first B thought it was because of his jam jar stuck on his right hand, and that was part of it, but it was also because he had forgotten to change out of his black skull pajama bottoms and "Come to the dark side, we have cookies" T-shirt.

"Hey we can help!" called Mello from his table with Matt.

"Sure..." said the humiliated physco.

"Ok Matt give me your cereal package." (it was the plastic kind not the cardboard kind).

"Sure." the goggle eyed boy slid it across the table.

Mello mixed up butter, chocolate milk, honey and jelly in the cereal container and then grabbed BB's wrist and applied his mixture around the edge of the jar where it was stuck. Amazingly the jam jar slid off and Mello set it down on the table.

"Th-thanks Mello" BB stammered while A laughed his ass off.

"I'm gonna go get...my cloths...now..."

And with that the future murderer ran off back to his room, face as red as his jam.

Never take life seriously, nobody gets out alive.

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	3. Akazukin Chacha and Mello don't mix

Whammy's house that Saturday, was peaceful, quiet, and Mellow.

"AHHHHHHHHH! Your not gonna get me into that thing!"

Oopse peaceful quiet and MELLO.

"Pleeeesee Mello! You'll look sooo kawaii!"

"Nobody understands that I AM A GUY And I'm NOT GAY!"

"YEAH RIGHT! I BET YOU'D love to wear this dress!"

"Shut up! Your the one that wears makeup and reads shojo! Put it on yourself!"

"But I don't have a blonde wig!"

Alright let me explain what was going on. Beyond and Mello are Uhh...Mello is 11 and BB is 13. And he wants Mello to wear a cosplay ChaCha dress. And put his hair her cute little pigtails.

"What if I buy you eight pounds of chocolate?"

...ten pounds and you've got a deal."

"Fine" he would have to sacrifice his jam for a while, but it would be S0 worth it.

5 minutes later:

Mello stood in front of BB wearing a red skirt and apron,pink shirt and red hood.

"I can't believe I'm doing this."

"Hold still while I do your hair..."

BB took two elastics and put Mello's hair into small pigtails that curled under his ears.

"Omg you look just like ChaCha! Except for the eyes but that's

Ok."

Beyond then pulled a camera out of nowhere and took a picture before Mello could run.

"Omigod don't Put that on your blog, or ANYWHERE ELSE!"

Beyond smirked and looked at the camera in his hands.

Something or other years later

"Omogod Near I know you have it!"

"What?"

"The damn picture you awaited from Beyond!"

"Aww but I likes staring at it before you went to bed!"

"grrr...why'd he even give it too you? Do you have a "people who look like L club or something?"

"i actually got it out of his room after he went to prison."

"Well give it back!"

"Fine."

Mello snatched the photo and hoped Matt would not ask questions...


	4. The Whammy's boys see a horror movie

OMK This fanfic has been dead for a while...but I'm updating! Slight MelloxNear. SLIGHT. And slight LxBB shounen ai.

It was a normal day at whammy's house, and BB decided he was bored (BB isn't a little kid in this one)

"Hey Lawli?"

"Yes B?"

"Wanna take Matt and Mello and Near to that movie Undead Hearts?"

"Umm...B...that movie is rated R." L frowned. "And they are eight, seven and six."

"They're training to become detectives, they can handle it."

"It's about zombies' right?" L asked

"Yup. There's a girl whose boyfriend gets turned into a zombie during an apocalypse, but she still loves him and hides him in her apartment."

B was in a creepy mood today. He had two moods, sweet and cute, and creepy. He was usually sweet, but today it was creepy.

So, five minutes later L, B, M, M, and N were riding in a limo (driven by Watari) to the movies.

Beyond and the kids were singing a gory demise in the back (Beyond's idea) and L was getting a headache.

When they reached the verse "I is for Isaac who lost his front brakes, J is for Johnny who was bitten by snakes, K is for Kenny who was shot in the head, L is fore Larry who bled and bled M's for Marie who was burned to a crisp..." Mello sang "N is for Near who got pummeled by fists!"

"Now Mello," Beyond scolded "That's not nice."

"Ok, were here!" L called back to them.

"Yay! M&M shouted. They got out and rushed into the theater. L bought candy, a lot of candy but he's like a millionaire so it didn't matter that movie candy is really freaking expensive.

A few people gave them strange looks, for bringing little kids to a horror movie, but B just stuck his tongue out at them.

They took seats in the middle of the theater, ad Mello tried to squish Near into one of the chairs (you know how movie chairs fold up after you get up off of them? Yeah Mello was squashing the poor albino between the seat and back of the chair.)

"Mello, please stop that." L told him. Mello let go of the chair and Near tumbled out and fell on the floor.

"Get off the floor Near, it's filthy!" BB cried.

"You're such a clean freak." L rolled his panda eyes.

They sat in their chairs in the following order from right to left. BB, L, Near, Mello, Matt.

First there were just ads for movies and stuff, then there was a chocolate ad and Mello stood up and shouted "Chocolate!" which caused some people in the front to look over there shoulders and back at them.

"Sit down Mello." L scolded.

The blond eight year old just giggled and munched his M&Ms.

The movie started out with a mad scientist trying out an experiment, which caused his helper named Jake to accidentally turn into a zombie. At first the effects were on ad off and they thought the virus had subdued after about an hour, and he went to see his girlfriend Angelina later. But the zombie virus came back and he leaped out the window and ripped a guys head off. He kept killing people and turning them to zombies in the street.

Here is what the Whammy's boys look like:

BB: Grinning sadistically, perching on his seat.

L: Kinda scared...

Near: Wide eyed, shaking.

Mello: halfway between horrified and delighted.

Matt: Grabbing Mello's arm, but refusing to look away.

More killings happened; Angelina kept trying to find Jake before he got shot. Jake keeps biting people and eats their flesh, pokes eyeballs out and pops them in his mouth. He found a knife and sliced open people and ate there organs and he slurps intestines.

L: Pretty scared, grabbing BB's arm.

BB: Chuckling like an insane creep at every disgusting part

Near: Whimpering and trying to hug Mello, since L isn't available.

Mello: Weirded out that Near is hugging him and crying into his shoulder. Also really freaked out at the movie.

Matt: Peeing his pants…

"Scared much Lawli?" BB chuckled, holding his hand.

"Near, get off me!" Mello hissed at the scared little boy. Then he noticed just how terrified the fluff-ball was and cuddled him instead of being mean (that's a good Mello!)

Matt also kinda tried to get in there hug thing.

Angelina finds Jake and tries to hide him before he gets killed, but some police people break into her apartment and find her trying to convince Jake he's not a zombie, he's a nice human. Then zombie-Jake kisses Angelina, but he bites her so she's a zombie too. Police get into Angelina's apartment and see the two undead kissing on the couch and shoot them. Since Jake started the zombie apocalypse, when he died all the people he'd turned to zombies turned back and everything returned to normal (except for some blood and guts to clean up.)

L: Breathing hard, head on Beyond's shoulder, hugging B's arm.

BB: Teasing L about being scared

Near: Crying softly and being cuddled by Melly

Mello: Still kind of dazed from the Movie and hugging Near and Matt.

Matt: Does not have to pee anymore...

"Alright...that was fun!" said BB, standing up.

"C-come on kids." said L.

Mello stood up with Near on his back, who he was giving a piggyback ride. He turned to Matt who was holding his box of uneaten gummy worms in one hand and shaking slightly.

"Haha Mattie you pissed yourself! Did you shit your pants too?" Mello laughed at his fried.

"H-hey...!" Matt blushed

"Don't use language like that Mello!" L chided the boy.

Mello piggybacked Near out of the theater with Matt following behind. BB threw his arm around L's neck, causing to detective to blush and Beyond to giggle.

"Let's do this again sometime!" Laughed BB. "Your sooo kawaii when you're scared!"

"Sure..." Muttered L, blushing harder, who didn't really plan to.


	5. Depression, Bananas, and Underwear

WARNING: BB is kind of a pervert in this and he has his whole underwear fetish thing… AxBB

"A!" Beyond Birthday yelled, running over to the other fifteen year old. Alternate was sitting in the corner with his face in his hands and his knees pulled up to his chest.

"What is it B?" he mumbled

"Your depressed right?"

"Oh no I'm just around in the corner not feeling sad because I happen to have a dark-corner-fetish and love the taste of my own solitude...what do you think Backup?"

"I think you're depressed, Alternate."

A sighed.

"I have the solution to your depression, my darling emo!"

"Oh let's here it." A raised his hed and leaned against the wall with displeased blue eyes.

"Ta da!" Beyond wiped out from behind his back...a banana.

"..."

"..."

"...oh please..." The brunette rolled his eyes.

"Come on A, I was playing fruit ninja and sensei said that bananas help fight depression and morning sickness!"

Alternate rolled his eyes. "Yeah, I'm not pregnant...so I don't think that really matters to me."

"It's for your DEPRESSION DUH! And of course, if you ever DO get pregnant..." The shinigami eyed boy added.

"If I get pregnant it will probably be because you raped me." L's first successor rolled his sky blue eyes.

"Aw A knows his wittle BB would never do such a thing..." B grinned.

A scowled. "Yeah right. I saw you looking at my underwear that other day."

B blushed..."I was just..."

"Newsflash B, half of Whammy's house knows you have an underwear fetish, come out of the closet it's not really a secret anymore."

"I-I...Grrr..." B blushed ever harder "You told people!"

"...I might have mentioned it to Cat...and then she told Chrome who told Green who told Carlos and Carlos talks loud so M&M heard..."

"You bastard..."

"So what about my depression?" A interrupted, raising an eyebrow.

"Right...Oh yah!" B suddenly forgot the conversation about his embarrassing fetish. "Bananas help depression so I thought you should eat it."

"I'm not hungry."

"What if I feed it to you?"

"I...oh, BB!" A chuckled and shook his head.

"No, seriously!" Beyond ran off to cut up the banana.

For the next four minutes BB baby fed A slices of banana on a fork. When they finished, both boys giggled.

"So...did it help?" Beyond asked.

"I think it might of...but you just being with me worked best!" A gave him a hug.

"You know..." Beyond whispered into A's ear seductively. "There is more than one kind of banana..."

A let that sink in for a moment before thrusting the raven haired boy's body away from him in disgust.

"BEYOND BIRTHDAY YOU PERVERT!"


	6. Mello eats bugs?

Matt and Mello were sitting in their room doing homework after a long day of school at Whammy's. Mello was eating...well I think you can guess what he was eating!

Matt eyed the chocoholic and then thought of something he picked out of a random book of facts.

"Hey Mello, you know your eating bugs?"

"...WTF?" Mello stopped snapping his chocolate and looked up.

"Well when cocoa harvesters harvest the cocoa beans; there are bugs in the plants which remain in the chocolate as it's processed." Matt grinned and watched Mello's face turn to horror.

He tossed his chocolate in the trash and said "Eww Matt! Why'd you have to tell me that? I'll never ear chocolate again!"

"Yeah right!" The redhead chuckled.

"No really, I don't wanna eat bugs!"

"Your that much of a sissy over Bugs?

"Don't call me a sissy!"

"You know, bugs can be healthy if they have protein in them."

"Eww!"

"Lol."

5 minutes later:

"That's it!" Mello shouted I can't stand it without chocolate! It's torture!"

"What happened to being grossed out by the bugs?" Matt inquired.

"I don't care about the bugs!" Mello munched another bar "Chocolate gives me brainfuel and without brainfuel I can never beat Near!"

"Oh Mello..."

"Grrr...I just can't believe a sheep is forcing me to eat bugs!" The blonde growled.


	7. Mello is scary Matt loves Near?

WARNING: Robot violence, terrorizing Near, MattxNear. Matt is 14, Near is 13.

It was nighttime, all was peaceful and quiet. Near was just starting to fall asleep, when...something thumped. Most pepole don't know this, but Near is afraid if things that go bump in the night. His mind is completely logical so anything illogical scares him. Big time.

The pale boy felt something poking him. He slowly sat up and a lumpy form lunged and attack him.

"AHHHH OMG R U A GOHST." He sat bolt upright

"Muahaha I'm coming for you!" The figure said.

"Ahhhh! Leave me alone!"

"I will eat your soul!"

"Eek! How are you real?"

Near grabbed his favorite robot, Optimus Prime off his desk and started hitting the lump with it

"Get him! Get him Optimus!"

"Owww...Gah!" the blob groaned

"Omogoshimgonnadie! I'm gonna die were all gonna die eeeeek!" Near was franticly dancing around the room and trying to whack the blob monster with his pillow.

"Fear me Near!"

"Ack please...please stops don't hurt me! The albino's bottom lip trembled.

"I'll get you and your little robot too my pretty!" Blob picked up Optimus Prim off the ground.

"NOOOOOOOO! DON'T." poor little Near started to cry. "H-he's my fa-favorite...the pale boy sniffed.

The door suddenly opened. "Hey what the heck is going on here? Super Matt to the rescue.

"He's gonna take Optimus and eat my soul!" Near sobbed.

"WTF?" Matt walked over to the blanket lump and pulled off the sheets.

"...Mello... I should have known." Matt rolled his eyes and snatched the robot from the blonde.

"M-Mello? Near blinked.

"Aw Matt! You spoiled the fun!"

"Near's terrified!" Matt said. "He's crying!"

"So he does have emotions?"

Matt sighed and handed the robot back to Near who held it to his chest and curled up in a little white ball.

"Th-thank you Matt!" said the small boy.

"Matt! Don't be nice to him!" Mello growled.

"Piss off!" The redhead scowled.

"Whatever." shrugged Mello and stalked off to his and Matt's room.

Matt walked over to Near and hugged him.

"Sorry my friend is a bastard." He picked the pajama clad one up and put him gently on his bed. After he set him down though, Near's hand still clung to his own.

"Sleep with me." Near's pleading grey eyes looked up at the older boy "I'm scared!"

"...Ok." Matt smiled. He knew Mello would be pissed off, but for once Matt didn't care what his friend thought.


	8. He thinks I'm CUUUUUTE!

Mello clipped a bite of chocolate with his teeth, letting his ice blue eyes linger for a moment on a certain albino. Near was staking his dice again, sitting in the middle of a circle of train tracks and the train was whizzing around the O shape.

Near innocently glanced up at Mello and blinked, curling his hair around his finger. Their eyes locked for a moment and the white haired one blushed, not very much but his skin was So pale there was a visible pink tinge. He looked down quickly as Mello made a squealing noise, but quickly covered his mouth.

"Oh my god, my rival is that cute..." He thought in shock. "I never really notice how freaky adorable that little guy is."

He kept watching Near until finally he couldn't stand it. Mello ripped off his shoe and chucked it at the albino's head.

Near looked up.

"I CAN'T TAKE IT! HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO HATE YOU IF YOUR SO DAMN CUTE!" He yelled and ran off.

The pajama clad boy blinked several times and gasped. He picked up one of his robots and started spinning around with it.

"Mello said I'm cuuuuuuuuute! He said I'm cuuuuuuuuute! Can you believe it Mello thinks I'm cuuuuuuuuute!" He hugged his robot in joy because he did not have anyone else to hug and grinned, feeling happy for the rest of the day...


End file.
